“THEY DON’T HAVE THE HAPPINESS YOU’RE LOOKING FOR” IS MORE THAN JUST A WILDLY CREATIVE AND VISUALLY STUNNING MEMOIR. IT SERVES AS A LIFE MAP THROUGH THE DARKNESS OF PAIN AND THE BRUTAL UNCERTAINTY OF OUR SHARED, PRECARIOUS EXISTENCE.

FOR OVER A DECADE, MUNERA YUSUF HAS USED WRITING AS A TOOL TO COPE WITH ABUSE, HOUSELESSNESS, POVERTY, ADDICTION AND HEARTBREAK. THOUGH SHE ONCE SHIED AWAY FROM HER INNATE TALENTS, SHE CHOSE WRITING AS A FORM OF SURVIVAL AND DOCUMENTATION. THROUGH PRIORITIZING HER HEALING AND HEALTH, SHE DISCOVERED A MYSTERIOUS PATTERN EMERGING—HER LIFE BLOSSOMED THE MORE SHE DUG DEEP, BELIEVED IN HERSELF AND CREATED DISTANCE FROM THOSE WHO HARMED HER. SHE REALIZED THAT WITH EVERY GREATER RISK SHE TOOK TO PROTECT HER INNER CHILD, AN EVEN GREATER REWARD AWAITED.

MUNERA’S FIRST MAJOR CROSSROADS ARRIVED WHEN SHE WAS FORCED TO CHOOSE BETWEEN HER FAMILY’S RELIGION AND HER SEXUALITY. THE SECOND BETWEEN BEING HOUSED OR HOMELESS. THE THIRD, FOURTH, FIFTH, AND BEYOND—DROPPING OUT OF UNIVERSITY, QUITTING RACIST JOBS, ENDING HARMFUL RELATIONSHIPS AND FRIENDSHIPS.

TO SAY SHE WANTED TO EXIT THIS WORLD WOULD BE AN UNDERSTATEMENT. THOSE AROUND HER, INCLUDING HER THERAPIST, WONDERED HOW SHE KEPT GOING.

“IT’S NEVER ENOUGH TO SIMPLY SAY, IT WILL GET BETTER,” SHE REFLECTS. “BUT THERE IS A METHOD WITHIN RADICAL SELF-ACCEPTANCE, SELF-DEFENSE AND SELF-LOVE. IF THE WORLD REFUSED TO MAKE THINGS BETTER, I WAS DETERMINED TO DO THAT FOR MYSELF AT ANY COST. AND IF THAT FAILED, I WOULD GRACEFULLY ACCEPT DEFEAT AND BOW OUT. OVER A DECADE LATER, I AM STILL HERE.”

ONE EARLY READER OF THE NOVEL REMARKED:

“THE WAY YOU WRITE ABOUT MANIPULATION AND FORGIVENESS, ABUSE AND RESILIENCE, RELIGION AND QUEERNESS, GRIEF AND LIBERATION, ADDICTION AND SOBRIETY, SYSTEMS AND SACRIFICE—ILLUMINATED THE EMOTIONS I HAD LONG BEEN REPRESSING AND THE WORK I STILL HAD TO DO WITHIN MYSELF. LIFELONG WORK. LIBERATING WORK. YOUR WORDS INSPIRED ME TO KEEP FIGHTING.”